ARGH!!!

I hate it when I have some much going on in my head and I just want to write it down but nothing comes out. I have some much I want to say and express but every time I try to write nothing happens, I draw a blank and feel like I want to bang my head against the wall. I thought if I relieved my stress by writing on here then I may release every thing in my head.

I found the other week that I would be somewhere or doing something and all these feels and emotions I have inside wanted to come out but I was no where near any paper or a computer and couldn't put my thoughts onto paper, and then they left me by the time I got some paper. I'm going to be 21 soon, not until October, and I realised what I want in life, I just want to be happy and have what I want. That isn't really selfish if you think about it, its my life and I want what will make me happy. I just want a life which consists of, a career (I have that already, TICK), a house that I can make a home with my man in it and when the time is ready a family (not quite ready yet).

Ah well all good things come to those who wait I guess

We as Women seem to forget....

We as women seem to forget the essence of our well being, that we forget who we truly are and what we should do. Day in and day out we pretend to be happy doing the things we hate to do. We prance around with a mask on hiding our true feelings because we are afraid of upsetting someone, well do you know what I say to that, tough shit!!! So what if we upset someone or annoy them but they are doing that to us. Why should settle for second best ladies when we can reach out and have exactly what we want. We seem to change who we are to please those around us but what we should be doing is being ourselves and please us. We are doing things for others to please them yet we have nothing back to show for it, where is our happiness in all this. A great woman once said, "But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!" Marilyn Monroe was bloody right there!

We as women seem to feel the need to please men to ensure they don't go astray, that they don't get bored with us or heaven forbid leave us. But lets take a step back and look around, when he has had a bad day we are in the firing line. We try to please them, do what they want, get what they want for them. But when we have a bad day we are being bitches and selfish and just down right hormonal and they piss off down the pub or go on the Xbox to avoid us. We do everything in our power to make them happy but when you need them they don't seem to be around because things just go that little bit hard and they can't handle the heat. I will say there is a minority of men out there who stay around and take the rough with the smooth but there are those who run like hell out of your way. What they need to realise is we need to off load on them and occasionally need a shoulder to cry on. Yes OK we have our girlfriends to do that with but its just nice to have your man there listening to you and just there to give you a cuddle at the end of it all!

Some of you out there are still afraid to stand up and be counted but let me tell you, there is no need to hide behind the confinements of your home, behind your mask. Stand out of the crowd and shout to the heavens "YOU ARE AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!!!!" You need to remember that we have feelings and thoughts and ideas too and that we shouldn't just take all the crap lying down, get up off your arse and voice everything, make it clear that if you can't handle the heat get the hell out of the kitchen because you are brewing up a storm and you are either going to go with it or fall at its feet!!

We as woman seem to forget all this but just remember to take a step back, take a deep breath and jump in feet first because to have fun you really need to get that little bit dirty!!

Alter Ego 28/05/10 11:43pm =)

Another Friday Night in!

What a surprise another Friday night in, *SIGH*!! Last weekends antics are truly over but there is a video to prove that drinking alcohol has its effects on me, lol! At this current moment in time I'm bored and wishing for something to do. I also feel like a chicken roasting on a spit because its fucking warm in my room, even though I'm wearing next to nothing. I've just finished "Girl with a One Track Mind: Exposed," OMG brilliant I loved it! You could feel her emotion and I felt for her when she was exposed to the world as "Abby Lee". I love her passion for sex, I thought I was sex mad but obviously I'm not alone. I've also taken on board what she has written and plan to put it into practice ;).

Something important happened for me this week and that is I realised I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm not afraid to be single and I can be happy whatever happens because its my life and I'll live it how I want to. Life at the moment has thrown the ball back into my court by giving me back something I lost and I plan to play. They do say you don't realise how much you miss something until its gone and boy did I miss them!! I just hope it works out well, I'm feeling slightly vulnerable at the moment because I was so open but then you don't know what will happen and I needed to open up to let them in.

Maybe this is my second chance to do things right!

xxxx

Hmmmmmmm......

My head is confused I don't know what to or how to feel. You're on my mind all the time and I can't seem to change the channel. When I think of you my stomach feels funny, when I hear your voice my legs go weak. I can't help but love you but do you love me? You mean the world to me and I can only feel this as I can't tell you. You are such a big part of my life yet you don't realise it! I hope some day you realise all this and return the feelings back!

Decided to go Vegetarian

I have decided that I no longer want to eat meat, I am now a vegetarian. And I really don't miss meat at all. I am having trouble finding something to eat in my house at the moment but come shopping day I should be ok. There is a handful of reasons why I have given up meat, these are:
1. Don't really eat meat often as I find it fat and it makes me gag.
2. The cruelty some animals go through for us to have their meat.
3. Its actually rotting flesh, ewww!
4. The crap that is forced into animals to make them fatter quicker is not only bad for those poor animals but is also bad for us as the consumer.
5. I love animals a lot that when I take a bite out of meat I feel really bad for it.

So there we go, why I have decided to go vegetarian. .
I have a really great mate who is helping me through all this. Ever so often she gets a text saying "Help" or "Can I eat this?". Lol!!!! Thanks chick :)

Mates, Dates and Inflatable Bras!

For all those teenagers out there and those who are just past being a teenager but still enjoy teenage fiction then this is the book for you. Its called Mates, Dates and Inflatable Bras written by Cathy Hopkins. I myself still enjoy to read teenage fiction as it reminds me of when I was in school and there was some guy myself or my mate fancied and we would get into big debates over who was the cutest or sweetest or who had the nicest smile, you know all that drival.

Mates, Dates and Inflatable Bras is basically that. Lucy and Izzie were once a twosome and now they are a threesome now that Nesta has joined the school and Izzie decides to befriend her. Lucy isn't so sure about this new threesome and feels slightly pushed out. To make things worse for Lucy everyone in her class, including Izzie and Nesta seem to know what they want to do when they grow up except for her. So not only does Lucy feel left out of the little friendship group but she also feels left behind while everyone else plans out their future.

Every fourteen year old is self conscience about themselves and looks and Lucy is no exception. But everything starts to change for her when she sees a gorgeous guy crossing the street. This book is your average teenage fiction and thats what makes it such a brilliant read. Mates, Dates and Inflatable Bras is just the first book in a series by Cathy Hopkins, there is 12 altogether. So far I'm on to book number 4, Mates, Dates and Sleepover Secrets and each one has had a different narrator which gives these books their extra spice for you to enjoy. This makes Cathy Hopkins stands out as an author, in my opinion, because she has gone that extra mile to make you want to read her books because you aren't getting the same old story from the same person, you are getting different flavours to enjoy and you find yourself devouring them every time.

Theres nothing more I can say to make these books sound as great as they are, what I recommend is you get stuck in straight away and get enjoying the plot.

The Wicked Series- Books 1 to 4

I read back to back in the space of four days books one to four of the Wicked Series by Nancy Holder and Debbie Viguie, each book leaving you wanting to read on to find out what happens. Leaving me with one more to read, Resurrection.

Holly Cathers is a normal teenager girl who loses her parents and best friend in a tragic accident, leaving her to go stay with her Dad's sister and family that Holly never knew existed. What Holly soon realises is she isn't just an ordinary girl but a witch, a descendant of the House of Cahors. With her families past comes a great burden, a feud that has plagued her family for centuries and now Holly is the target of the House of Deveraux. For anyone who enjoys stories of witchcraft and magic I would recommend these to you. You will be mesmorized by the power of the Cahors and the evil that lurks within Deveraux, oozing with every chapter.

Each book finishes where the next one begins leaving you wanting more and more. As you read on you find yourself growing with Holly as she discovers more and more about her past and as her powers grow stronger with every chapter and obstacles that she must endure along the way as she battles to protect the ones she loves- including Jer, a rival from the House of Deveraux and her one true love.

Each book I found myself mesmorized by it all and continuely reading as I was hunger for more. But I found myself let down by the third book, Legacy, there seemed to be no main plot of the book and what the book did cover could have been summed up in three chapters, no less, no more. If I hadn't had the next book, Spellbound, to read I probably would have got bored because Legacy served no real purpose as a book in my opinion. I felt let down and that I had wasted precious time that could have been better spent. But apart from that little glitch system I continued to enjoy the story.

I end this now urging those who have a feel for magic and want a book that can tickle their tastebuds, to read these books. Will you be team Cahor praying to the Goddess for protection and help or will you be team Deveraux, evil streaming through your vains and praying to the Horned One for dark to conquer light?

Enjoy ;)